Haggard “Oh Kevin, I don’t think reading something can make you vomit. I think you might have to go back to your local doctor and check that up because it seems very unlikely to me!”, says the unsuspecting Zoomtard reader. But then I prove my point by quoting from Ted Haggard, former “megachurch” leader, head of the (American) National Association of Evangelicals, lecturer at Fuller and all round bobbing grinning talking head of vaguely Christianese morality for the consumption of television and televisual bite-sized “messages”. He’s the one who was caught out having sex with prostitutes and buying meth off them while also taking a prominent role in encouraging Christians to oppose marriage rights for homosexuals. Now this, cue vomiting:

“Tiger Woods needs to golf. Michael Vick needs to be playing football,” Mr. Haggard said as his new congregation joined him and Gayle in their backyard for a post-worship picnic. Little kids, shrieking with joy, splashed in the pool. Men grilled burgers. Women set out chicken salad.

“Ted Haggard,” Mr. Haggard said, “needs to be leading a church.”

He acknowledged grave lapses of judgment in the episode he refers to as “my crisis.” But Mr. Haggard also said that in his sorrow and shame, he accepted too much guilt after the scandal broke.

“I over-repented,” he said.

Your Correspondent, Can’t fucking believe the shit that some “cussing” “pastors” come out with